Choose “Selfcare” over “Selfsabotage”

There are automatic thoughts that block us. This leads us too chose the same dysfunctionnal situations, like running in a cage. Even though we do not think to look back at the past, future is often the re-creation of the same schemas… until you choose to discard.

I was recently reading about the concept of free will and selfcare. In other words, how to make truly free choices that correspond to your will, not with kindness for others, but with kindness for your own self ?

We sometimes think that spontaneity and “feelings” guide our choices, when in reality there is often a whole background.

The theory of schemas was created by the American psychologist Jeffrey Young in the 1990s. This theory is today a fundamental aspect of behavioral and cognitive therapy, and offers an explanation to the situations we are constantly recreating.

One of the causes for which we would fall into this mechanism, would be a feeling of frustration in the childhood, related to the acceptance by others, or to the reception of emotions by oneself and by others.

If we cross this analysis with what is written about children (and adults) which have a different type of intelligence, as they develop a sense of rejection (more or less conscious), we can think that they are more likely to develop this kind of schemas.

Adults, we are often persuaded that we act by intention, when in reality we create our own situations of failure.

For example, thinking about an action step by step, I realized that the result of that action would not suit me, so finally I did not do it. Yet at the base, I really felt like I wanted to do it, like it was a real real will.

In reality, these are automatic thoughts that block us in our personal development and in the development of our self-confidence.

This leads us to choose dysfunctional situations, generating loneliness or anxiety, that people do not explain.

So, it’s not enough to believe that positive thinking (or just thinking anyway) will lead you where you want.

Understanding our own mechanisms is an essential step to get where you want to be.

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